absoluteLEE awesome

Have you ever had to convince someone that your partner is not a robot?


I have.


A couple of weeks ago I was having a drink with Gerard, Nimu, and Nimu's boyfriend Jake. It was one of those "biglaan" meetups we have every once in a while. And while Nimu and Jake were busy making googly-eyes at each other, Gerard and I used that time to catch up a bit.


Gerard: Are we waiting for someone?
Me: Yes.
Gerard: Who?
Me: My girlfriend? She'll be here in a bit.
Gerard: Girlfriend??


At this point our conversation stopped for a bit because Gerard kinda rambled on about how love is love, and how it should not be limited by stuff like gender, age, or even biological make up.


Gerard: So, how is she like?
Me: You'll see later.
Gerard: Come on! Tell me nooow!
Me: Well, she's weird.
Gerard: Is she a robot?
Me: What? No! She's just.. different.
Gerard: I bet she's a robot.
Me: Will you cut it out!


The "she's a robot" argument went on for about 20 very disturbing minutes until around the time Lee, my girlfriend, got there.


Gerard: *whispering* Hey dude, I have good news and bad news for you.
Me: What?
Gerard: Good news is that your girl is pretty. The good news is that she's a robot.
Me: What makes you say that?? Wait what's the bad news?
Gerard: What? Uhh. I forgot.
Me: *What the f**k face*
Gerard: Don't look at me like that. It's you who's got a girlfriend who's a robot!
Me: How can you possibly prove that??
Gerard: She's good-looking.
Me: Yeah. So?
Gerard: Robots are good-looking. She's cool too, right?
Me: Definitely, but that doesn't mean--
Gerard: Typical robot!!! And lemme guess, she's nice too huh? And awesome?
Me: Yeah but--
Gerard: She's a robot, man. That's what being a robot is all about. Trust me.
Me: You need an oil change, Gerard.

After that he asked to have a picture with her taken, to which I agreed to, but only after Gerard promised not to try to sync with my girlfriend through her "USB port". Up until now it scares me just trying to think of what he meant by that.


Thinking about what Gerard told me, I'm convinced his logic circuits need some checking. But on the other hand, one thing I know about Gerard is that he knows everything about what being a robot is all about. And if being good-looking, cool, nice, and awesome, is what being a robot is all about, then maybe my girlfriend is a robot. And because of that, I feel fortunate. ;)




Happy, sleepyhead!